GOODBYE LETTERS

Dear Wife,



I am writing you this letter to tell you that I am leaving you for good.
I've been a good man to you for seven years, and I have nothing to show for it.
These last two weeks have been hell. Then today, your boss called to tell me
that you had quit your job and that was the last straw.

Last week, you came home and didn't even notice that I had gotten a new hair cut,
cooked your favorite meal, and even wore a brand new silk boxers. You came home
and ate in two minutes, and went straight to sleep after watching all of your soaps.
You don't tell me you love me anymore, you don't want sex anymore or anything.
Either you're cheating on me or you don't love me anymore, whatever the case is,
I'm gone.



Your Ex-Husband,

--------


P.S. Don't try to find me. Your SISTER and I are moving away to West Virginia together.
Have a great life!
..........



~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dear Ex-Husband,



Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter.

It's true that we have been married for seven years, although a good man is a far cry
from what you've been. I watch my soaps so much because they drown out your
constant whining and griping. Too bad, that doesn't work.

I did notice when you got a hair cut last week, and the first thing that came to my mind
was "You look just like a girl!" but my Mother raised me not to say anything if you
can't say anything nice.

And when you cooked my favorite meal, you must have gotten me confused with
my SISTER because I have stopped eating pork seven years ago!

I turned away from you when you had those new silk boxers on because the price tag
was still on them.

I prayed that it was a coincidence that my SISTER had just borrowed fifty dollars
from me that morning....and your silk boxers were $49.99.

After all of this, I still loved you, and felt that we could work it out. So when I hit the Lotto
for ten million dollars, I quit my job and bought us two tickets for Jamaica. But when I got
home, you were gone. Everything happens for a reason, I guess.

I hope you have the fulfilling life you always wanted.

My lawyer said that with that letter you wrote, you won't get a dime from me.
So take care.

Signed,
Rich as hell...and Free!

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P.S. I don't know if I ever told you this, but my sister Carla, was born Carl.
I hope that's not a problem.