EUROPEAN ENGLISH

The European Commission has
announced an agreement whereby
English will be used
as the official language of the
European Union, rather than German,
which was the other possibility.


As part of the negotiations,
the British government conceded that
English spelling had some room for
improvement, and has accepted a
five-year phase-in plan
that would later be known as
Euro-English.


In the first year, 's' will replace the soft 'c'.
Sertainly, this will make the
sivil servants jump with joy.


The hard 'c' will be dropped in favour of 'k'.
This would klear up konfusion and keyboards kan
have one less letter.


There will be growing publik enthusiasm
in the sekond year when the
troublesome 'ph' will be replaced with 'f' .
This will make words like 'fotograf' 20% shorter.



In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling
kan be expekted to reach where more komplikated
changes are possible.


Governments will enkourage the removal of
double letters which have always
ben a deterent to akurate speling.



Also, al wil agre
that the horibl mes of that silent 'e'
in the languag is disgrasful
and it should go away.



By the 4th yer,
peopl wil be reseptiv to steps
such as replasing 'th' with 'z'
and 'w' with 'v'.

During ze fifz yer,
ze unesesary 'o' kan be dropd
from vords kontaining 'ou'
....and after ziz fifz yer,
ve vil hav a reil sensibl riten styl.


Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis
and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech oza.
Ze drem of a united urop vil finali kum tru.


Und efter ze fifz yer,
ve vil al be speking German
like zey vunt ed in ze fors plast.

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